I realize this might sound repetitive because I’ve already written something similar in my earlier post, Journaling’s Effects on My Mental Health, but I feel it’s necessary to elaborate further and simplify my perspective on why I decided to create a public journal.
I’m not entirely sure why I feel this is necessary, maybe it’s because I think more people should do it. Perhaps that’s another form of validation. Regardless, I must proceed, because growth is gradual. It’s not something ready-made or ready to consume. It’s like sowing a seed in the hope that the tree will bear fruit someday.
I find it hard to keep the habit when I do it in private, so making it public, even though nobody reads this makes me feel more accountable. I suppose that’s one reason.
We all assume we know ourselves best, but if that’s true, why do we have fragmented identities in the minds of others? Why are there so many variations of my personality? Is it inconsistency on my part, or is that just how things are supposed to be? Am I perceived as the person I think I am and strive to be, or am I completely oblivious to how people see me? If how I identify myself internally isn’t how others perceive me externally, does that mean I’m living in denial? And yet, I still have some sense of how others view me.
Is this unnecessary? Should I pretend it is and live as if everything is okay, as though I have all the answers? If I can dedicate 15 minutes a day to jotting down my thoughts, in the hope that it contributes to my internal growth, creates a pathway, or gives me a way to observe myself years from now and if this act has no negative impact on me, why should it be considered unnecessary?
People blog and write about all sorts of things, so why not write about what’s most important to you?
No matter the outcome, even if these thoughts remain forever hidden, I believe I’ll find my own way forward. God knows.